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Nostalgia... [19 Dec 2003|09:25pm]

[ mood | calm ]

I doubt any of us reads this anymore. Maybe Amber does, because she's the most frequent updater. But it seems we've all forgotten this existed. Which I understand. I'd forgotten too. But I read the last post by amber, and I decided to update this I guess.
I really don't know what I want to say, or even if I want to say anything. I miss what used to be, and although every step we each take, takes us farther away from everyone else, I miss the bonds that we 5 had. I cherish them very close to my heart, and in these days where I don't have anyone, it makes me smile to realize that I have already had special friendships in my life that no one may ever have.
I wish this had never happened, this parting of ways, and distance that we all have. I know Sam and Cari are still pretty close from what I hear. But with the exiting of me and amber from butcher, things have changed alot I assume. I miss Chelsea, Amber, and Sam a great deal. I never see any of you. I saw Cari a few times when I was still going to school, we even had a class together. But I miss her too. This is really a bunch of bullshit that I'm typing because I'm sure not a bit of it makes sense. But I don't really give a damn. And really...have I ever? :)
The whole time that we were all friends, I was still upset about the "old best friends" that I had lost. I never really paid attention to the ones I had. And now I'm mourning those friendships too.
Its not a bad thing. Because we're all still in contact, to an extent.
This random entry was just to let each and every one of you know, that I love you.
Even if you don't read it. And even if you don't care. Even if your so busy you can't be bothered with the ramblings of a used-to-be-best-friend. I still love you.
And think about you all. I wish nothing but the best for you all. And happiness. And that you don't forget about me. Cuz I'm still around here somewhere. Even if the distance is great.


5 blossoms!! *give me a flower*

hmm. ponderous. [30 May 2003|08:48pm]

[ mood | contemplative ]

its amazing what can change in a matter of years, months, weeks, and even sometimes days. people grow to realize so many new ideals and figure out their own true character. and within figuring out their own character, other people's characters are more accurately viewed. to look back on a mere 6 months ago the world was so small and the things so close to me were all that mattered. but after so much changing and maturing between myself and the people around me i realized that you dont have to make peace with everything around you. everything doesnt have to be perfect. simply because youre everyday surroundings arent exactly what you want doesnt mean you have to change them. u can just venture outside the ordinary and find so much more. you can find new friends and new passions and new places to invest your time. as we grow up we fall away from each other even more, but it doesn't have to be such an awful thing. growing away from people you once were close with shows that youre beginning to understand yourself more and means that soon you'll be growing closer to new people. i feel like this is the point in our lives where we find the people that will be our best friends when we are 40. for those people who remain in friendships that started in kindergarten all through their lives, i want to just say theyre are lucky. all five of us, chels, cari, devin, sam, me, we were all thrown into a similar situation that was very different then the environments of most our everyday friends. because we shared this new place to adjust to we found each other and used eachother as a comfort zone in a place where the large groups of people we hang around in arent there. from this we started calling each other best friends because we could relate so easily to one another and could share the same views on many things. but as we all matured this year we began to fit into the different environment much more easily, we all found our niches in this not-so-normal-high-school world. as we grew comfortable we examined our friends more closely and realized who we felt more comfortable with, and without. so i guess i just wanted to get all these thoughts out. and to say that we shouldnt view all these changes so negatively. i know that each and everyone of us has done our fair share of bashing each other behind peoples back these past couple of months and that should be over now. we need to accept that our situation is no ones fault and no one is really a "worse friend" or "worse" than someone else. all in all this is a positive experience for each of us to learn from, for each of us to learn something about ourselves from. with every experience comes so much knowledge and with acceptance the negativty shouldnt be necessary. to end my little thoughts heres a little poem i found in someones info one time. i saved it from a boy-girl relationship stand point, but it really sums up realtionships in general pretty well.
just always know that each one of u holds a special and distinct spot in my heart and i will treasure for life the time and friendships ive spent with you four girls, for however long they last/lasted.

*After a while u learn the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and u learn that love doesn't mean leaning, and company doesn't mean security, that kisses aren't contracts, and u begin to accept ur defeats with ur head held high and ur eyes wide open with the grace of a woman not the grief of a child. You learn to build ur roads on today because tomorrow's ground is to uncertain and futures have a way of falling down mid-flight. After a while u learn even sunshine burns if u get too much. So plant ur own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring u flowers and u learn that u really can endure, that u really are strong, and u really do have worth. And you learn and learn, with every goodbye you learn

each one of us are such uniquely wonderful people despite whatever faults we hold

*give me a flower*

mmm yay [28 Apr 2003|04:10pm]

[ mood | cheerful ]

look i made it pretty!
thought we should have some summer in here!
i didnt have a lot of time tho so the coloring might be little fun, feel free to adjust if u think it needs it. i just thought that the flower was gorgeous. yay. adios

*give me a flower*

ok guys [28 Apr 2003|03:32pm]

[ mood | bouncy ]

i want u four to fill this out. i wanna know what u guys think and such so fill it out!! have fun and be honest!!!
u dont even have to do em all lol

*****You and me
My name:
Where/when did we meet?
Take a stab at my middle name:
How well do you know me (a lot, not so much, nothing)?
When you first saw me what was your first impression?
Have you ever had a crush on me?
Have you ever been jealous of me?
Do you remember the first things I said to you when we first met?
Would you say I’m funny?
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?
Would you consider me a friend?
How would you label me: preppy, slutty, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, snobby, or something else?
Have you ever seen me cry?
Have u seen me dance crazy?
If there were one good nickname for me, what would it be?
Do I have a nice butt?
If I had broccoli stuck on my teeth, would you tell me?
Do you love me?:
****Am i……….
Quiet or loud:
Short or Tall:
Weird or original:
Smart or not-so-smart:
Boring or Fun:
Attractive or Unattractive:
*****Yes or no's
A nerd?
****** A few more ?’s
What do you think I’ll be when I grow up?
Do you think I’ll get married? And to who?
What song(if any)reminds you of me?
If you could give me anything, what would it be?
If you could describe me in one word, what would it be?
Do you or have you ever had a crush on me?
What word do I say all the time?
Is there anything you’d like to say to me?

*give me a flower*

je suis a la maison!!! [25 Apr 2003|10:55pm]

[ mood | peaceful ]

it's good to be home. vacation was a blast, but i missed my girls. now it's back to reality.

i guess i didn't understand the depth of our whole situation. i didn't think it was that big a deal - we're all friends, just the individual relationships are stronger or weaker than they used to be. a very wise person once said that people have to be accepting of each other's differences, especially in personality. no one is ever going to be the perfect friend for anyone else. we all have our quirks and friendship is about looking past those "bad" sides to see the person within that we have grown to love.

you guys are my best friends, no matter what's going on right now. i know that we can get through it - more or less i don't think there's a whole lot to "get through." maybe i'm wrong.

anyways, i got y'alls souveniers and you better like em!! (and i promise no heads will fall off this time :-)

i love you girls and i say that without hesitation. now i gotta work in the morning so i'm gonna say good night.

1 blossom!! *give me a flower*

[21 Apr 2003|11:48am]
Hey :)

I went to church on Friday for Good Friday and it was all about forgiveness. And I got really sad. There's so much that I want to say to all of you guys that I don't think I can wait for next Friday. I have to get it out, because I don't want to forget anything. I don't mean to sound mushy or anything. I just hate sitting here and how I keep thinking about everything. Haha, I'm writing this and I don't even know if I'll post it.

Amber: You're completely right about Devin and my journal entry thing. It was totally out of line, and even though we saw it as a joke, I know how hurt I would have been if I had seen that. I'm sooo sorry, I would never want to hurt you. But I am extremely hurt that you would tell Sam that I was cornering you into agreeing with me. I kept asking if you were just agreeing for the sake of agreeing, and you said no. I'm so hurt. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to corner you into that. I never meant to make you think that I was fake, ever, and I am blown away by how much you thought that. Why couldn't you tell ME any of that? It's so much worse when you have to hear it from someone else. Next time you think I'm being fake, just tell me!!! Slap me or something! Please don't let this be the end of everything. I understand that you are hurt, you have every right to be. But I'm hurt too. I'm willing to completely forget about this, because of that whole sermon in church. It made me sooo sad to look at this and see what this stupid little fight has done. Don't let it ruin everything. We're supposed to live by forgiveness, and I certainly haven't. I'm sorry.

That goes for the rest of you, too. I'm sorry that I've held so many grudges. I'm sorry for being stupid. I'm sorry if this sounds mushy. I'm just sitting here, and I defintely can't wait until next week to get all this out. Please write back.....
*give me a flower*

[20 Apr 2003|12:04pm]
Hey, how about the Friday after break we get all five of us together to get all this crap figured out????? lemme know....
1 blossom!! *give me a flower*

I dunno... [13 Mar 2003|09:19pm]

[ mood | busy ]

Hi gurlies :)

i debated for a long time whether or not i should write in this journal right now, or just drop the whole thing, because it seems everytime i have tried to communicate my feelings...i'm "yelling"...so i dunno, i don't wanna hear that anymore..but i need to say some stuff too..

I love all five of you lots, and i understand that we all have research projects, and i think its sweet that cari and sam are getting closer :) that rocks my socks! hah..

and i also agree that me chels + amber aren't tryin' to get revenge or rub things in ur faces or any sort of thing like that...(although me being an only child, is what i want to do, to protect myself, although i'm trying really hard to fix this and not be a bitch)

And honestly, i haven't really felt any bad things toward sam, because, i dunno...she's always been kinda..not caring who shes with, just basically bein' happy. :-D and she hasn't really changed towards me in any sort of way, and i love you and thank you for being so understanding about this whole thing.

sadly though, i do feel some anger towards cari. and truly, i know that its not anything super important that is life altering...because even now we're fine, but i need to say some things, because i admit it right now that i have said some angry things to people...and in my opinion, i if i have the guts to say stuff like that, i better be able to back it up and say it to their face right?

cari, we've had alot of good times together...alot...and i love you and i'm glad we have had our times, and our talks and our laughs!!! i love being around ya and whatnot..its just lately, you've been doin' stuff that really, i dunno, bothers me. and i'm sure i do things that bother you too. in fact i don't doubt it. and if i do, by all means tell me..cuz i wanna know.

but everytime i tried to bring certain things up, to explain not hurt you..you got mad and said i was yelling at you. i wasn't trying to..honestly. i guess i was wrong in thinking you would wanna know what people think about certain things. you even said you were happy i had the guts to say that stuff to you. thats what a true friend is. they tell you when you have a booger hangin' outta ur nose and everyones talkin' about it, instead of just laughing. if that analogy made any sense, whatsoever ;)

but i'm over all those arguements, and i'm sorry if the things i said hurt you in any way. i promise. sometimes i talk outta my ass, and i think the things i say aren't as bad as they are...so i take it back. all of it. i love you and i'm sorry.

one other thing thats bothered me..when i told amber that i thought her taking blake would be a good idea...i never imagined it would cause such a hub-bub. i honestly was truly happy that amber would get to have one single formal dance with someone who could actually treat her right. and i was flabbergasted that you weren't equally happy. i understood your point of view...to a point. but other than that i didn't get it. and i understand that this isn't really my business, but then again it is. i know you talked to amber and stuff and i dunno how that went, but i really thought that it was selfish of you to react like that. i'm sorry for feeling this way, and i probably shouldn't, but i don't want any bad thoughts in between us..or things that i said that you never knew about.

i'm saying this in the community, rather than in an email, because i want this to be stopped..and things to go back to normal. i love you sooo much care bear, and i don't want you to be angry with me or anything, because i'm truly truly sorry for everything, and i was mad at myself, and i forgave myself, and now i need you to forgive me too. i'm sorry again...

i think what hurt the most, is that me chels and amber missed you guys...and acted like it :-p
but you guys seemed happy in your own world...i dunno it kinda hurt, but like sam said..people always pair off. it happens

i just don't want this to be the end of the god damned bobsledding fucking jamaicans alright?

anyone wanna get their feelins out...feel free, and then maybe we can start over sorta.

i love you all soo much and we've had such good times together, if you really think about it, our group is unique and special, and we shouldn't lose it over stupid reasons.

i'm sorry for being a bitch, whenever i am a bitch, but i'm human, and i'm still learning how to be friends with such hot girlies ;)

mucho love to you all....


1 blossom!! *give me a flower*

Hopefully this can end :) [12 Mar 2003|07:31pm]
Well I know the five of us have been having a lot of problems. I also know that I don't want to get into a worse fight. So please please don't take any of this the wrong way. I only want to get out MY feelings so that it can be forgotten and started over. This is not to be MEAN to anyone, or to get "revenge" or to start something new. It's to END this. I am not going to speak for anyone but myself.


When you called me to tell me that our friendship was dwindling, I could feel it, too. I feel like I've been trying really hard - I had my party, I thought we would get to hang out at Amber's party (but you left with some guy, Amber said), I invited you to the movies with Devin and I (and I do understand that you had other plans). But I HAVE been trying. I just feel like it's for nothing. I know you've heard this from other people, but I am REALLY sick of the ma femme thing. Honestly, I am really happy that you and Sam are so close - having a best friend is the most wonderful thing in the world, and I congratulate you on it. But it feels like you two are flaunting it in front of Devin, Amber, and I, and it really really hurts. As if we don't see you two everyday hanging out and telling secrets. It's okay - I'm not saying that you two shouldn't be this close. I'm just saying that I don't really want to hear ma femme every ten minutes. Also, I feel like ever since your call, you have not tried. Every time that you and Sam are hanging out, it's because you have driven to her house or driven her around. I have not once been invited to enter your truck with you, whether to go somewhere, or for you to come and visit. I was extremely hurt at the drama play when you chose to only drive Sam back to Amber's house. It felt like, yeah, we were going to go have a sleepover together, but first you had to have alone time with each other, and not us. Then you forgot to call your mom (which I know is not like you) and then you got all mad at her for getting upset with you. I honestly feel like you've changed - I don't think you ever would have gotten upset at her for a mistake that you made last year. Don't take me the wrong way, PLEASE - I know people make mistakes. I prolly will forget once or twice in my lifetime to call, too. It's just how mad you got that upset me.

I do love you, Cari, and I want to fix this.

The same goes for you about the whole ma femme thing. Also, I was really upset on the bus today. You really didn't talk to me at all, the only time was to yell at me for crabbing to Amber. I admit that it was wrong of me to be so snippy so quick with her - but I also know that you have a tendency to do that, too. Everyone does - it happens. I just didn't like how you pointed it out so bluntly and quickly. I was also really hurt the other day when you got offended about your cousin, Jackie. I understand that you have a complete right to defend her. But I also know that one year ago, we were talking about her badly in the hallway outside of GAT and you were crying and I was saying how horrible she was just to comfort you. What happened? If I'd have known that you were going to take offense, I never would have said it. But I wish you would let me know so that I don't get yelled at for it.

I love you, too, Sam, and I want this also to be over.

Devin and Amber and I have been hanging out a lot. It is NOT to get back, get revenge, or do anything else of that matter. We just were left that way. You two were always together, so that left us three.

I want us to be as close as last year! I miss us five. Please write me back. BUT PLEASE DONT TAKE ANY OF THIS THE WRONG WAY. You both have the right to tell me what I've done wrong in the past week. I know that. But hopefully soon, everything will be out and nothing will need to be hidden anymore.
3 blossoms!! *give me a flower*

yay for a quiz [19 Feb 2003|08:00pm]

[ mood | melancholy ]

Your Heart is Red

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

i wanted to take more but the damn page was taking too long to load.
*give me a flower*

waiting for my nails to dry [16 Feb 2003|09:37am]

[ mood | cold ]

i'm finally free.

i decided to write in our community cuz has anyone in awhile? :-) i miss you guys.

*give me a flower*

Represent. Word. [31 Jan 2003|02:49pm]

[ mood | creative ]

Word to your mother(s).


I'm so cool.



just thought i'd update, since NO ONE ELSE IS (*hint hint*) lets get on top of this my lovies!


oh and by the way.

me and cari decided that for spring break senior (or junior if our mommies allow ;] ) we're going on an african safari damnit. no joke.

forget cancun...we're gunna see elephants<33 :-D

alright i'm outtiesssss to my gameroo


--i forget which blob damn person i am.

sanka? or someone.

I'm gunna name my daughter Simone.

1 blossom!! *give me a flower*

i love you [14 Jan 2003|08:05pm]

I love you guys. You're my best friends.
I really love you.
*give me a flower*

amber is... [04 Jan 2003|07:37pm]

[ mood | groggy ]

amber is our gold

amber is yellow or bright yellowish

Amber is the fossilized resin of ancient trees which forms through a natural polymerization of the original organic compounds

Amber is not produced from tree sap

Amber is not all Black and White

Amber is no more....

Amber" is Rebma spelled backwards

Amber is shrewd

Amber is provided as a free public service

amber is quality

amber is found

Amber is a petrified tar of trees which grew over twenty-thirty
million years ago and now are buried on the bottom of the sea

Amber is on the Web!

Amber is listed

amber is beautiful

Amber is reassured from momma

Amber is a very light stone

amber is unique

Amber is used

Amber is hot Hot HOT

Amber is light in weight and warm to the touch

Amber is always in my mind


Amber is like a time capsule

Amber is a soft, light stone

Amber is one of the most fascinating

amber is ready

Amber is a beautiful attractive natural organic gem

amber is not hard

amber is from the Dominican Republic

Amber is een krachtig en natuurlijk volmout bier van hoge gisting

Amber is the color of your energy

Amber is the new baby of those that brought us the Alphabet

Amber is situated in a central district of istanbul

Amber is 10

Amber is struggling

Amber is the new restaurant/bar

Amber is warm and enduring

Amber is not your average haunted house game

amber is anything but sap

Amber is not harmed

Amber is used like Dragon Bone

amber is found in only a few places on earth

amber is very clear and easy to see the millipede

amber is rare

amber is not distributed throughout the island

amber is now found

Amber is polymerized

Amber is said to be able to draw out negative energy and
transform it into positive energy for healing and well being

amber is wide opened and ready to fuck babes sparkly hot body

amber is wide opened and ready to fuck a full bookmaking firm

Amber is not a mineral

amber is prized

amber is cut and shaped with saws

Amber is not plastic

Amber is a very strong insulator

amber is made out of small pieces

AMBER is developed

Amber is ready asian pussy

5 blossoms!! *give me a flower*

hot! [04 Jan 2003|03:05am]

[ mood | fart ]


*give me a flower*

woohoo good morning everyone. [03 Jan 2003|12:07pm]

[ mood | high ]

haha ive been updating here more than my own journal cuz this one looks cooler. lol. sam would u mind if i copie the html u put in here and like just changed the colors and stuff for my own journal? if u dont want me to its fine. i thought i'd ask just incase. yeah man sleepover tonight. score. lalalalala thats all i got its too early. haha.

2 blossoms!! *give me a flower*

grr [02 Jan 2003|06:43pm]

[ mood | sad ]

Oh man. Sometimes I get so mad at my mom. Last night I had to sleep downstairs because there were paint fumes in my room from painting and the Christmas tree was down there so I unplugged it because it was too bright to sleep with.
Well my mom just yelled at me for unplugging it, because I didn't pull it right from the wall I just pulled the cord, because it was plugged in behind the piano. She's like you're so stupid, you coulda just slept the other way, why would you do that you're lazy, you coula burned the house down you're stupid blah blah blah.
It's a fucking tree! I unplugged a fucking tree! Oh man that makes me a stupid girl. She really pisses me off sometimes.

Anyway, sleepover at my house Friday sounds good.
How's that sound to everyone?
Good? Get back to me on that eh?

*give me a flower*

its thursday. [02 Jan 2003|03:40pm]

[ mood | awake ]

its thursday. that seems weird to me. this week has been going by way too fast. it feels more like tuesday-ish. hmm. so sleepover tomorrow at sam's? sounds good. i decided i need to not eat soo much junk food and drink so much pop. cari i dont know how u can drink the amount of pop u do and keep such clear skin. u r really lucky. i feel all gross cuz i been piggin out on all this candy and stuff from Christmas. it sucks. mmhmm. sigh. no one has updated this in awhile. at least since the last tim i checked. i felt the need to get this baby updated. oh and speaking of livejournal, cari i love what u did to yours. your comment link saying thingys are really creative. i need to get around to fixin mine up. blah. im drink sttrawberry lime jones soda and its really good. :) and thats about all ive got to blab about so adios ladies. someone call me if tomorrow is for sure!

*give me a flower*

all right [30 Dec 2002|01:20pm]

Wednesday night sounds good to me...
where at?
*give me a flower*

[30 Dec 2002|11:36am]
*give me a flower*

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